Ep. 10 - Podcast Thumbnail

#10 – Avoiding Porn at Home | Strategy Series I

Comment below what you gained from this episode.

Ep. 40 - Podcast Thumbnail

Join Sammy and Andrew as they begin a bold new podcasting venture: a series of Strategy Sessions to help avoid pornography and masturbation during the COVID 19 quarantine. In this episode, Sammy and Andrew introduce the series and focus on setting up boundaries to avoid porn at home, such as adjusting your mentality, restricting your access to the Internet, and enlisting the help of loved ones to keep you accountable.

 

Episode Transcript:

Andrew Love: Hello and welcome back to another exciting episode of Love, Life, and Legacy, a podcast all about helping you navigate these hyper-sexualized times so that you can be the person of your own creation rather than the victim of endless and confusing circumstance. Today is very special. We are going to start a four-part series. This series has been developed specifically for this time in which we live. We are going through a global pandemic, the likes of which humanity has never experienced because. We’ve never had Facebook at the same time as this crazy virus. And because of that, there’s a lot of fear. There’s a lot of doubt. There’s a lot of confusion, and we wanted to cut through all of that and just give you some very practical tips and tools and tactics. So that you can use your time wisely during this quarantine era, and come out on the other end of it stronger, more connected, and more vibrant than ever. If that sounds good to you then please stay tuned in this first episode. We’re gonna talk about how you can apply some very practical apps and tools to your computer so that you stop wasting time and stop going to the places you don’t want to go to. So let’s get into it. Welcome back, everybody to another day here on planet earth and we are gonna give you some good juices today on the podcast. I’m coming to you from somewhere in the jungle. My name is Andrew Love and I’m together with my boy. What’s your name? I was about to say your name but I didn’t!

Sammy Uyama: You’re about to do it. You’re about to be a hypocrite. You’re about, you’re always complaining about how I’m stealing your thunder and then you go out and do the same thing.

Andrew Love: I did.

Sammy Uyama: I’m Sammy Uyama. I’m Sammy Uyama and I speak on behalf of my own self as an individual human person. I’m still in Korea…

Andrew Love: giving people just a taste of the ssss, and then, and then, and then you fill it in.

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, we’re actually, so yeah, Andrew and I, we’re, we’re doing this podcast marketing course. Right? And, and that’s one of the tips was, you have to have a look at the beginning of each episode and get them interested in listening more in that and you’re just, you’re testing that out. So is that what you’re doing?

Andrew Love: Sure, I’m gonna go with yes. Today we’re going to talk about, this is like the first one of four in a strategy series that we’re releasing, we’re making now, and we’re going to release it ahead of a lot of the other content that’s been waiting patiently to come out into this world. Because we are still, as a world, going through this pandemic. And there’s a lot of people who are facing isolation. They’re under quarantine. And we want to help them out as much as possible to win to have, to use this time productively so you can come out of your cave better than you entered.

Sammy Uyama: Exactly. So we want to make this a response to what people are dealing with in their lives right now is, especially people dealing with things like pornography is, if you’re just alone at home all the time, that can be a very stressful, difficult environment to be in when you’re trying to deal with a habit like this.

Andrew Love: Yeah, it’s like that modern-day problem where when you come into an elevator, and there are a few people in there, and they’re all on their phones, of course, naturally, your hand starts going into your pocket to reach them to get into your phone. And then you’re just avoiding people. You’re missing out on an opportunity to meet new people. And we don’t want that to happen at scale. Well, you know you’re sitting at home instead of kind of avoiding yourself, why don’t you learn how to spend time with yourself and learn new things and be productive and all this good stuff. So that, you know, I was about to say you can’t wait until your next quarantine. But I don’t want to say that, but I just said it anyway. I’m sorry.

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, well, the last point you is said was, was really great is that you know, people are in their cave right now. And this is an extra opportunity to come out of it a better person, and that’d be such a great thing to be able to look back on that. I took advantage of this time and invested in myself and came and I’m the better for it.

Andrew Love: Exactly. So we’re gonna break this down into four different episodes focusing on specific things for you to focus on. And the first one is Sammy.

Sammy Uyama: It’s about the practicalities of preventative measures to avoid pornography and setting up boundaries for yourself and protecting your devices. This is something that often people don’t think about when they’re dealing with something like pornography. People, just assume that the answer is in developing the right amount of willpower. That the right amount of purpose for you. I don’t, I don’t want to do this. So I’m just gonna make a decision and, and that’s the thing that they rely on to drive them forward. And you can actually be a lot smarter about the whole process than that. And it can be as simple as taking preventative measures to avoid these… triggers are kind of word but you know, these things that kind of pull you towards the whole world of pornography. That whole part of the Internet and you can avoid those neighborhoods entirely with just a few key decisions made early on.

Andrew Love: And can I just say, you know, it really starts with a mental shift, because a lot of people don’t want to use some sort of filter. They don’t want to use some sort of app because of pride, because their ego doesn’t want them to feel like they have enough, They are like they have a habit that they can’t control even though that’s true. So it’s the same with, you know, going on a motorcycle and saying, Oh, I don’t need a helmet is like, okay, you haven’t died yet. But give me a break. It’s a much better idea to wear a helmet. Don’t let pride get in the way of you taking the measures that you should take in order to have a good experience online. Because there’s going to be a part of you that says, I don’t need this, I can control myself and that’s all ego. 100% ego.

Sammy Uyama: Absolutely. And it doesn’t even have to be entirely about that. It’s this is you know, we’re actually, this whole series, we’re addressing pornography, but I think that these would equally apply just to, just general emotional well-being and, and mental health. And applying all of these things will just make a difference for anybody. And likewise with this, this device restriction strategy we’re gonna talk about, I use it still just for focus and for not wasting time, you know. Like I put limits on things – YouTube all the usual suspects – of what catches people online. I have restrictions for all of them and it helps me tremendously.

Andrew Love: So like what, let’s get into the details. What you got? What you got under the hood, kid?

Sammy Uyama: Yeah. So with this podcast will be a link. We’ll attach a blog post that we’ve recently put up about the specifics and the technical step-by-step of how to do these things. So I think it’ll be a disaster if we try to walk through each of those, you know, on, on-air like this and people are listening.

Andrew Love: Excuses.

Sammy Uyama: So if you’re actually interested, then go to that. And I put together really good instructions for all the different ways. So I just want to let you aware of, what exists and give you some different ideas of like stir your imagination of what’s actually doable regarding this. And so, you know, there are things like, within those apps that you can download that will block specific websites, or put timers on certain websites, which is, you know, what I use. And so I, I put like a 10-minute timer on Facebook. So that’s my limit for the day, if I, if I, if I want to go on, so I just don’t get sucked into it; just enough time to scroll through my newsfeed a little bit and see what people are up to. At the end of that 10 minutes, what happens, you just get kicked out. Yeah, you get completely kicked out. And the great thing and so that, so that, that I use and so there are apps specific to Apple, there are apps specific to Android, I walk you through all of it. You know, I’ve done all the research on what’s best for what device so you can find it all there. And what I like about these things is there’s a lot of versatility. You can set up multiple different filters so I’ve got one for email that’s just when I don’t want to check my email on my phone, I just turn that on and off. And I can go on the app and just make flip the switch real easily. But then there are other ones they want more permanent as I blocked. So the dangerous areas for me regarding pornography would be red is a big one. And so I’ve gotten more permanent in-place filters. Also, I blocked things like Instagram and Facebook just because I just don’t want to ever look at those on my phone and be more focused and productive. And so I made a list of all these websites that I just blocked entirely. And I had my wife set an admin password for that. So you can do that as well. And so there are certain filters that I can turn off and on as needed. So sometimes I’m traveling and I need to be able to check my email on my phone. So it’s really easy to turn off and on, but then others, if the only, you know, if I really need to go on Facebook on my phone for whatever reason, then I’d have to go to my wife and she’ll put in the password and then you unlock that and then I turn it back on when I’m done.

Andrew Love: Amazing. Yes. So can I just bring that up because that, that lit something up in my mind, which is, I think, you know, the World Wide Web is our introduction into the collective consciousness at any given time. And we think because it’s our phone that it’s our, and it’s our time that we kind of were just by ourselves. But what you’re talking about is bringing another person into specific areas of the Internet so that you’re accountable, which is really cool. Because it would be so weird if you just put on an invisible suit and walked around all day and spied on people and that’s essentially what a lot of people do online and it kind of turns you into a bit of a creep. Right. But when you do things together with another human being like you, like you, you have your wife to unlock your Facebook and stuff like that, then the option for you to be creepy is lessened greatly and I like that. It’s kind of cool, huh? Cool. Yeah, appreciate that.

Sammy Uyama: So this is with phones, which is I emphasize the most because it’s probably where people spend most of their time on the internet. And there are also things you can do with desktop and laptop devices. For web browsers, you can do all these things I just went through. You can do all these exact same things. And I love how you just shared something really profound and deep and then I went straight back into talking about what I was talking about.

Andrew Love: I’m painting a picture because it helps people understand. Like we, we don’t understand the Internet at all, but like you’re plugging into an entire another world that often we have very little control of because marketing is so smart and you know, algorithms and all this stuff. And it’s like you’re, you’re just submerging yourself into this very strong current, and it’s easy to get pulled into the undertow without you even realizing it’s happening. But when you have somebody else that’s your lifeline to kind of pull you out of the river to keep going with this analogy, you know, because they’re like, are you just going for a swim? Are you taking a bath? What are you doing? Because a lot of people, they just, they get completely swept under. So, I think it’s important that people understand the kind of bigger picture of what’s going on instead of you just limiting your habits. It’s like, why, and what’s it doing to you? And, and how will that benefit you? So I think it’s a very, very cool thing that you’ve done. You’ve set yourself up well.

Sammy Uyama: I want to emphasize that it’s not, you know, I don’t do this, just like just for pornography. It’s just my life. It’s so overwhelming. It’s stressful spending all your time online and I’m susceptible, as much or if not more than everybody else has. I have this kind of personality where it’s like zero or 100. And I’m so bad at moderation. And so when I get sucked into the Internet, it’s all-consuming.

Andrew Love: I’ve seen you eat. And it is, it is exactly that Sam is either devouring an entire pig or he’s fasting.  Yeah, that’s exactly how I have to live my life. And I had, so I set these things up for myself, too. So I didn’t end up spending a ridiculous amount of time on YouTube or on Facebook, and I can actually enjoy my life and be alive with the people I’m physical with. And so you can do all these things on the computer as well. And one last thing I’d like to share with you is that you, especially for parents, this might be interesting is that you can actually do similar things at a router level. So, and that’s probably the most technical one, it’s, it’s more than just downloading an app or putting an extension on your browser. But you can actually go into the set and I have step-by-step instructions on that. But you can go into your router settings and block certain websites and set up these kinds of restrictions. So that’s really good for yourself even, but if there’s multiple people in the house that you want to put these kinds of restrictions on, and it’s a lot of work to go in each device and do this kind of thing, then you can do it either like a net level and catch everything at once. Sweet. So you got these nifty little doodads and timers and stuff that restricts your, your reach on, on when you’re on your phone.

Sammy Uyama: So that’s another technical, like, at a device level. And the next thing that I would recommend for people is to set up rules for themselves and boundaries. And this works tremendously effective. And so you know, our main focus for our work is recovery support. And so we know what we’re talking about this. We spend a lot of time helping people specifically with porn addiction and compulsive porn use and going into recovery. And these just, making up these rules for yourself and looking at about where you use your phone, for example, and look and kind of being analytical about were the places that you’re most likely to fall into porn use. And if you, if you look close enough, the people have patterns and habits for a lot of people. It’s before going to bed at night, it’s probably the most common one. So making up a simple rule as I don’t go to bed with my phone, I finished using it at whatever time and then I charged in the kitchen, charging, living, and whatever. And you just don’t go to your bedroom to phone. That one, committing to a simple decision like that. It makes such a huge difference. Likewise is going to the bathroom with your phone, and whatever it is, just, just looking at your own life and your own use and setting up these boundaries for yourself.

Andrew Love: Yeah, being, being conscious of the relationship between when your phone ends up in your hand and what is being associated with that. Because I heard a guy who’s, who’s really into neuroscience, giving a talk about if you sit down and you start having breakfast, and then you just open up your phone unconsciously; you start sifting through Facebook, you go to Instagram, whatever. And you do that 2, 3, 4 times, that just becomes, you start to associate breakfast with checking your phone unconsciously. So part of it is just becoming hyper-aware of, oh, I’m in the bathroom and my phone is in my hand; how did that happen? So you can start to anticipate future events and start to cut it off before it becomes an issue because that’s, that’s the going from kind of reflection, self-reflection to awareness. And then you can go into mastery, which is anticipating the future, you can predict the future when you can see the pattern recurring enough time. So yeah, a lot of it is like you see the association therebetween an event and the result and you’re like, wow, and when you unravel it, you can see that there were steps that led up to that occurrence. And it’s, so it’s just becoming more conscious of all Yeah. I bring my phone into my room. And while I’m lying in bed when I should be meditating or reading, I am I’m just zoning out on my phone. And what that does terrible stuff to your sleep gives you very poor quality, all these kinds of repercussions. But what I’m challenging is just to become more aware of these things and start to cut them off before they become a problem.

Sammy Uyama: You do not want pooping and porn to be an association in your life.

Andrew Love: Yeah, in our hyper stimulus-centric world, like going to the bathroom is most people just bring their phones in, which is kind of gross when you think about it. Just when you think of things that are happening in there. But also, that’s, that should be a time when you can actually just stop and sit and breathe for once. And then imagine connecting to God or meditating and having a great experience when you poop instead of just zoning out, feeling jealous that you don’t have a watch or a specific pair of glasses or whatever people are jealous of these days. Instead of being led astray, why don’t you just focused and enjoy the fact that you have a body that can turn delicious food into horrible gross smelling waste?

Sammy Uyama: Yes. So that’s, that’s the wisdom, wisdom from Sammy and Andrew. The wisdom of the day is I take your time and turn it into reflective, meditative…

Andrew Love: “Poopitation”, baby! C’mon now!

Sammy Uyama: Alright, that’s all I had in mind. The general theme for this is prevention and being smart about what are they going down towards the path of pornography, it’s never a sudden thing. It often feels like it’s just you know, you’re not, and then suddenly you’re watching porn. There’s always a, there’s all there are steps and those steps can happen quickly. But there’s always a process. So being smart about identifying what are those steps are few and interrupting them. And so these are the most common, the lowest hanging fruit. The easiest way to do that is to look at what are the websites that lead you towards pornography because there’s everyone has things like that, and very common ones are Instagram, YouTube, Mangga, Reddit. All these places are very stimulating and they’ve kind of pulled people towards that. So being smart about how you use those and your devices, limiting or even blocking them. And even then physically where you use the internet in your house, and the associations that we make of porn and where we are physically and what neuroscience find out exactly what Andrew is talking about. So these are the few methods that we wanted to share with you about nipping in the bud and being preventative about the desire to use pornography before it comes up. And our next episode, we’re going to be talking about being intentional with your time, being intentional with how you use the internet. And this is a real golden nugget that Andrew loves to share. And that’ll be our next tip and strategy for all of you guys stuck at home. Thank you so much. We hope that this is helpful and you find this series useful for you and your life. And if you like what you hear then please subscribe and keep up with all the latest episodes, especially if you want to keep up with these strategy series and when they’re coming out and subscribe and you’ll get the latest notifications. We’ll see you next time.

 

Listen on your platform:

Related Articles

#49 – ‌High Noon 2021 Launch

This makes for a lovely episode: listen to an inspiring and enchanting love story of High Noon Families’ the School of Love project directors, Jario and Leena Vincenz-Gavin. 

Married for 13 years, these two have grown a lot and discovered many things about themselves, their work, and each other. Apart from being the fuel for families to mend their relationships, they also became a role model for couples working in the same environment, believing that learning about each other’s strengths and weaknesses will help create that perfect balance in marriage and relationships. 

Responses