Ep. 46 - Podcast Thumbnail

#46 – Falling Short of Your Standard | Mythbusters

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Ep. 46 - Podcast Thumbnail

In this episode, Andrew and Sammy talk about abstinence from sex before marriage, both the struggles and the merits.

There are so many concepts and notions surrounding premarital sex. Most faiths believe that saving yourself for marriage is something very special. But we’re all living in an oversexed world where people often get caught up in snares.

The best part towards creating sexual integrity and offering your whole self to only one person is building yourself up to an incredible bachelorette. It is how you groom yourself as a single person in preparation for a relationship.

Premarital sex brings a lot of complications that we are mostly unaware of. It damages us by disassociating us to the real act of love and service. Engaging in sex early on and outside the realm of marriage has made us numb, bruised, and broken. We need to remember that our heart is our greatest asset. It is the source of our existence. And when we damage our ability to love, it bleeds into every subsequent aspect of our relationship. That is why the closer to a blank slate that we can have, the better.

  • Proposed standard in every faith
  • Accommodating one’s lowest self
  • Having an unblemished record in the past
  • Individuals that have different views towards sex in their relationship
    • Numbness and not caring for others
    • Porn adds dimensions of complication to your sexual understanding and experience
  • What premarital sex teaches us
  • Polyamorous Relationships
  • The heart is like a sticky note
  • Know what you deserve

Episode Transcript:

Sammy Uyama: Hello. Hello, Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to another episode of Love, Life, and Legacy. The show where we talk all about sex and we hope you navigate this crusty, confusing, convoluted world. And regarding the topic of sex, how to make sense of this world that we’re living in. And everything in ways that are tried, tested, and true. Who, just to remind you guys. We’re your hosts, I’m Sam Uyama, together with my buddy.

Andrew Love: Andrew Love. I think and my vote, it’s Election Day, technically, we’re a day ahead of America. America’s election day’s tomorrow, their time, but it’s already happening in our time. And our vote is for what we want, it’s for voting to get rid of all the myths. We’re voting for no myths. And this, I think this is a myth. Okay? Which is that sex before marriage is a good idea. We got into masturbation, right? Masturbation is a great idea to learn about sex. But we’re also going to talk about sex before marriage. But also like, what happens when you aren’t able to achieve that? Are you just left on the side of the ditch? Left to die, right? And some faiths do treat people like that. If they don’t adhere to the standard, that they’re striving for, the, you just, you’re out. I don’t know if we can call out any religions but I definitely know a guy who is excommunicated from his parent’s faith, because he grew a beard. And in that particular faith, which for some reason, I don’t want to call out. He’s on like a list. An international list. I guess it’s a database now that we use computers and if he ever wants to attend church, he has to stand in the back. He’s not allowed to sit down with the righteous people. Only good people. The people on the good list can sit in the front. He’s allowed to stand at the back and nobody’s really allowed to acknowledge him.

Sammy Uyama: I have, if I were to take a gamble, I would say this sounds extremely like the Orthodox Jews. They’re not to find two beers from what I, when I can bet.

Andrew Love: Those dudes. Yeah. No, it’s a different one. It’s a newer one. And…

Sammy Uyama: Muslims, they’re not into beards, either. From what I gather. 

Andrew Love: I feel like we’re alienating the entire world here. By the way, there could never be many religions that require you to grow a beard because I can’t, I simply can’t. So, I’d have to either paste something on my face with some glue, it’d be a pretty hacked job, or I just can’t join. I have to be like, like, whatever the equivalent is of a choirboy, I’d have to stay at that level my whole life like a unique. Anyway, here’s why, here’s why we want to talk about this because there’s always a proposed standard in every faith. It’s like the goal. It’s what you’re striving for. It’s usually kind of like a utopian dream. It’s a, it’s heaven on earth. It’s something like that. But on the way there, there’s, you know, we’re human. We’re prone to making stupid mistakes. And so what happens when you do? And so we want to talk about, you know, in our faith, definitely, saving yourself for marriage is a big deal, because it’s like creating something brand new with somebody else and just letting your hearts guide your sex rather than your bodies. But we also know that we’re living in an oversexed world. So in such a world, people often get caught up in the snares. And the issue is that a lot of times religions, the people, the gatekeepers of the religions, don’t want to talk about these things, because they feel like they’re giving people permission to make mistakes. Because if you’re not punished for your mistakes, or if there are no consequences, then you’re just gonna go and do whatever you want. And then you’ll sneak into having this kind of thing.

Sammy Uyama: Crazy, just crazy anecdotes about that. I got a pass, a pastor, talking to like the youth group. I’ve heard him say that, if you masturbate, you’re going to go to hell. Which, and then you know, which we don’t definitely don’t believe that. But here’s the crazy part of that. It’s not that, you know, that’s what we said that said to the youth group, it’s just I talked to him after that.  “Hey, I really don’t think that’s, I don’t think it’s true. And I don’t think that’s healthy to tell young people like that.” What he said to me was like, “Yeah, I don’t, I don’t think it’s true, either. But if you don’t say that, then they’ll just feel like they have permission to do it.” I bring that up. Sorry. I just want to share that emphasize your point that yeah, there’s a lot of fun fear about talking about things like this, because it’s like, how do you do it in a way that’s clear and educational but also that is like graceful. That’s not condemning. So it’s like you either, be either walk, you know, these, you either do either or, right? And, and then you know, that doesn’t work, right? It’s like,

Andrew Love: Yeah, if you just get rid of the standard, just to accommodate everybody’s lowest selves like “We’re too late.” Like, that doesn’t work in hell. The doctors like, “God, no, you don’t have to exercise. Like you know, yeah, you’ll be fine. Just eat whatever you want.” That’s a terrible doctor because it’s not true. And the same is true of, like, our internal health, we need to take care of ourselves. We need to strive for healthy relationships, productive relationships with ourselves, with society, with God, like this is important. And when you fall short of that, you do have to find that way to reconcile the fact that you’ve strayed from your standard, and then just to get back on track as quickly as possible without wasting energy damning yourself, hating yourself or judging, criticizing yourself or other people. That doesn’t bring you back on track that creates usually a diversion track, right? If somebody makes a mistake, and like “You’re a bad person.” Then, do you think they want to go back to trying harder to achieve the ideal? No. They just say, “Screw you, and everything you believe.” Right? And so, what we’re saying is we in no way legitimize straying from the standard. And in our, what we’re talking about the sexual standard of striving for abstinence prior to marriage. We think, based on the statistics, based on the case studies that we’ve followed, based on our own personal experience. It’s the best path towards creating. Like, not just abstaining from sex, but creating sexual integrity, and then offering the fullness of yourself to another person, right? It doesn’t mean just being a virgin, and then having sex. It means building yourself up into an incredibly, eligible bachelor, Bachelorette. And then, giving your whole self to another person, but only one person. And then have, and then going to a life together with that person. That’s the standard that we’re striving for and the reality is that not everybody can achieve that. So, what do we do with them? Do we just round them all up and throw them in the garbage? Or do we help them get back on track, to the place that they were intending to go in the first place, which is happiness, which is joy, which is a connection, which is oneness, harmony, all these?

Sammy Uyama: So, I would opt for option one and call it a day. 

Andrew Love: Yeah, that’s the easiest one. Yasmin is the easiest course of action, right? It’s like the most convenient, because if they’re wrong, and you can just simply say, you’re wrong and bad, then you don’t have anything to do. You’ve done your job. You’ve called them out and judge them, and now they just have to suffer in hell. And how miserable is that? And how much do you even understand your own faith? If it’s based on a loving God, and you can be okay with somebody else suffering, then probably, you don’t fully understand this loving God of yours.

Sammy Uyama: So, yeah. So, we want to approach this conversation. There’s two different sides or audiences, they’ll be listening to this, right? There’s like the one side that’s what’s, what’s the problem, right? You know, if you love each other, no one’s getting hurt. And then the other side, it’s like the, you know, growing up, typically really religious, there’s like a lot of fear-driven into people about the, the consequences of having sex before marriage. And so, you know, we want to talk about this too, but from the perspective of, you know, the merits of making abstinence before marriage. And that, that is a lifestyle. And because a lot, because, like you just said, like a lot of people treat a legalistically. It’s like, you know, Virgin or not a virgin, right? But what we’re coming from, where we’re coming from is, you know, how you groom yourself as a single person. As preparation for a relationship and being abstinent is like a huge part of that. And then, and I guess that’s what we wanted to just generate understanding, rather than, like, do one-liner and slogans, right? About good or bad, but like, helping people create a context for an understanding of, you know, these some people, the life choices that they were raised into, that they don’t really understand the merits of maybe helping them. And people who it’s totally foreign, who could then be able to evaluate and reconsider. It is something they like to do. What do you think?

Andrew Love: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And again, so when you even want something and you, and you make a mistake, then you feel like you don’t deserve it, or it’s not for you. And that’s just a lie that’s going to again, take you from and further away from ever getting what you actually do want. And then, you just have to have a life where you settle for a bunch of alternatives, right? So, I know a ton of people in that category that they’ve made a mistake and they’re so either ashamed of themselves or the people in their lives shame them to the point where they feel like, well, I don’t deserve this. So, in the case of our faith, like, I don’t deserve the marriage blessing, or I don’t deserve a spouse. Then, it’s just kind of like you create this life where it’s a big middle finger to say, “Screw you, I don’t need you for any of your beliefs. I’ll just make this other life.” And then, it’s just a life of justifying why you don’t need that stuff that secretly you really do want, right? Who doesn’t want the idea that we’re striving for is imaginist. Being in a relationship with a spouse, where you’re completely dedicated and devoted to loving each other so much. And when you fall short, you work on it, you overcome together, and that only creates more love. And then you have kids, and you do the same with them. You learn how to love and accept them and grow together with them, until the point where you radiate love, everywhere you go, and with everything you do, and that impacts how you move in society. How fantastic is that? Who doesn’t want that? Who wants a dysfunctional family who wants a string of divorces? Nobody. But that’s some people’s journeys. So then, we want to help you get there. We want to help everybody get there, whether you have an unblemished track record, or whether you have a series of disastrous failures, we all deserve that. We all deserve the ideal, we all deserve that standard. And if you don’t want it fine. You can listen to Howard Stern.

Sammy Uyama: So, let’s start with some, some thought experiments. Andrew, this is kind of what I was talking to you, talking with you about earlier. And so, say you have another couple that equally feels like sex is something special for a relationship, but maybe they’re a little looser about like their, like the standard of commitment or level of commitment in a relationship. So, you know, just boyfriend, girlfriend is enough. And so, you know, they’ve had a couple boyfriends, girlfriends, and having sex with them, and then, they end up getting married. And then, they maintain that same level of commitment that even the first couple has with one another where they want to create a really good relationship with one. So like, is, is one has like a higher potential for having happiness and joy in their marriage better sex life and one is like just has a limited, limited live version that they can expect because of these past experiences that they’ve had. And like, you know, what’s really the difference between these situations? 

Andrew Love: Yeah. Well, kind of is not exactly how you laid it but like, we’re a good example. You and your wife both got married. Went to the blessing as virgins. My wife and I did not, right? And so, it doesn’t mean that you started out at a level 10 and everything was perfect from the beginning. And now, you’re at a level 1000 and we were in like a negative 100. Now, we’re just at the ground, zero. When you’re in relationships, you’re either learning how to become disconnected and very casual with sex. In which case, you disassociating love and the real act of love and service from sex, which is very common in our hookup culture. Which is what I grew up in, right? So, you just become numb to people’s emotions and people’s needs. You just become very self-centered in terms of sex or you become somebody who hops from one needy relationship to the next. And then, your heart gets really broken. In either case, your heart becomes kind of bruised and broken many times over or it becomes numb, right? More numb. In my case, it became much more numb. And in my wife’s case, it actually became pretty broken. She’s pretty devastated. And so, when you enter a relationship, yeah, you’re bringing that history together into your relationship. And also, that, that comes into the bedroom with you as well and your ability to trust. Your ability to fully give somebody heart. It becomes harder and harder to really interest somebody fully with knowing you when you’ve been rejected when you’ve been hurt. And it becomes harder to let people give themselves to you when you’re numb to them. When you have a history of not caring for somebody. There’s like, it’s like you want to keep them at arm’s length, right? So, it’s, it’s kind of preventing love from happening and it puts you in a bit of a deficit, to be honest. My wife and I had a lot of work to do and we’re still going through stuff from our past. That, which is like, slowly unraveling the past so that we can have a blank slate. So that we can build a future that doesn’t involve negative associations from the past. Does that make sense? And just because you’re showing up to, to a marriage, to a blessing as a virgin, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have complications with sex especially if you watch porn. Porn adds a lot of dimensions of complication to your sexual understanding and experience, right? But it’s not as emotionally complicated. I’ve got to say, and because you can’t help but compare us, this is how our brains work. You compare one to the other. And when you’ve been in relationships, then you’re comparing this spouse to the, to one of your girlfriends or you know, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, to the previous relationship. And then, in tough times, you start to, start to like, fantasize and romanticize past relationships and like, you don’t have any of that, right? With a, with a blank slate. But then, I do know people who, who never did have a relationship. They got into marriage as a virgin, and then they started having this existential crisis, like, oh, what if I missed out? Because I didn’t have sex with all these people I could have prior to getting married and now I’m stuck with this person. Because that’s what society tells us. “Oh, no, your ball and chainman, you stuck with this person forever, man.” Like, it’s like, it’s a bad thing, right? So it’s, it’s different. It’s definitely more complex. And it’s definitely less ideal because the heart is our greatest asset. Our heart is, by all estimations, the purpose why we’re alive and the reason for our existence is love and when you damage your ability to love, it’s, it bleeds into every subsequent aspect of your, your relationship.

Sammy Uyama: So, yeah, that’s, that’s fantastic what you just said. A concise summary of the kind of perspective on that. And it’s, it’s very different than what people who grew up being told you should have sex before you’re married. It’s a very different narrative than what they’re raised with. It’s a lot of, like, fear-driven consequences associated with, you know, what, what would happen. And like the way you described it that, it’s just the closer to the blank slate that you can be, just the better off you’ll be. The easier time you’ll have. There’s no like a lost cause in that, right? There’s no like, oh, it’s too late for me, right? It’s just like, that’s just how much more work than I’m gonna need to do in order to get there.

Andrew Love: Yeah, absolutely. It’s an uphill battle. You know, a lot of people obviously don’t make it, right? Look at the divorce rates out there. This is, this is telling that the more relationships you’re in, it’s like some sort of spiritual debt that you’re going into, right? And at some point, it becomes almost insurmountable and you have to just file for bankruptcy. And that’s kind of what divorce is. When you’re in a relationship, you file for bankruptcy, it means I am not able to continue this, right? 

Sammy Uyama: When you still use the idea of bankruptcies that you go back, you get a blank slate, right?

Andrew Love: But you don’t. Had to get a credit card.

Sammy Uyama: Like that. Oh, yeah, it was. Yeah. You have like, you have bad credit for five years. Whatever. So, yeah.

Andrew Love: Yeah, it’s the same. I mean, divorce is like, I know, several people. My family, you know, my parents, I know. It’s all over the place, right? It’s hard to not know somebody who’s been through it and I mean, there’s definitely a few years when you’re just spiraling and you can’t keep anything together. It feels like your whole world just shattered because when we see love, right? When you go to a wedding, and you know the people and you care about them, you’re gonna cry. You know, there’s gonna be one, no matter how tough you are, when you really look at them. And when they’re promising their futures to each other and it’s coming from a sincere place, then that, that singular tear just falls down the side here face and says, “Oh my God. Love is beautiful.” Right? We all have that because it’s, we all want that to work out. And so to see that fall apart is such a painful thing. It’s such an unnatural thing but we’re just so kind of used to it. And so yeah, after a divorce, after a breakup. There’s mourning. That love, that pure love. That’s the funeral. It’s when there’s a breakup or when there’s a divorce. That pure love that you had, died. And when you, when you see something like that die, something in you dies too. Kind of like that, that feeling that love is so powerful as it is. When you don’t see it working out, you start to doubt love. Do you know what I mean? And if you see that enough, then you stop believing in love. I’ve met people, straight up. I’ve had a conversation that says, “Yeah, love doesn’t exist. And like, Joe, Mike Chow, cool guy. How are you living, right?”

Sammy Uyama: I’ve got a buddy man. I tell you just I, one of my school friends, you know, we connected after many years, and he’s married now. And so, I’m like zooming with him and his wife’s there and just catching up from his wife, you know? Yeah, man loves, love isn’t a real thing, it’s every relationship is transactional and people just have mutual invites. Like, this guy just recently got married and his wife’s there and you know, they’ve, they haven’t seen have a nice relationship. And, but just even in front of you, not even pretend, right? But with each other, but yeah, sad to see. 

Andrew Love: It’s really sad. It’s disillusionment. And that’s the thing is like, that’s, I had this thought yesterday. Definitely sounds crazy idealistic, but like, the only thing that’s real in this entire cosmos is love. Everything else is impermanent. The only thing that really even hates and all that fades away. But, love keeps humanity going forward. It’s the purpose of our existence. And when you, when you’ve tasted it, but it slips through your fingers is something in you that gets deeply bruised, if not broken, right? And that comes into your next relationship, please. That’s why it’s, it, love is super dangerous. If it’s Sencha, Sencha Ogden, her testimony is amazing, because she talks about how love without a container can wreak havoc and can cause great damage. The container is commitment. So, it’s like learning how to commit before you learn how to love and that’s the opposite of how society teaches us. And that’s why it’s wreaking havoc on so many people’s lives. So again, sex then is either predicated on if you’re not in if you’re not married yet. Premarital sex is either you’re dabbling with a love that you cannot understand yet because you haven’t committed. So it’s going to wreak havoc, or you’re just learning how to have loveless sex which is automatically putting you in a position of what we discussed before. Just kind of sociopathic because you’re associating connection from love and affection and empathy. And that kind of makes you a little bit crazy, because you’re just using somebody’s body without the real them. The real damn isn’t their body. We’re not just our bodies. We’re so much more than that. So, do not factor that in, like, either of those sounds very good to me. Neither of those options and that’s kind of what’s out there. And so, I just wouldn’t wish that upon anybody. Some people, honestly, you can tell somebody doesn’t do heroin, because of look at all these reasons not to do heroin. And then some people honestly, there’s like a percentage of people that still have to go through hell and experience it just because they’re so stubborn. I don’t know what it is if it’s a genetic trait, mixed with just disparate circumstances, but some people willingly put themselves through hell, right? So, it’s not like my words can stop anybody from doing anything. I can just say, from experience, and from a litany of research and conversations that if you can avoid it, please, by all means, do. Because you’re saving yourself just so much anguish that you can’t even understand until you go through it. And then when you go through it, it’s the last thing that you want. Trust me.

Sammy Uyama: I hope that this can kind of pave a good enough of a middle ground, right? And just to be really clear that I mean, yeah, there are consequences, right? And not in like the boring old person waving their consequences for your actions. I feel like everything that you’ve just discussed, it’s just the natural effect, of like, of, of sex is such a bonding thing, right? And it’s designed in a certain way. And to get used out of context, and that way, you either become numb or broken, as you said. Bruised as you said, right? And, and so, and that being said, it doesn’t mean that you ever become a lost cause. I think it’s an equally important message, right? It’s just, there’s still a path forward but just the reality is that that’s, there’s that much more cleanup or work that we need to do on ourselves. 

Andrew Love: Yeah. And like, you know, I know people. I’ve had some debates with people, but I also just remember some old friends who are what, they called themselves polyamorous. This means that they had multiple partners and they just love. It’s just all love. It’s just your poly infatuated and your serial afraid like you’re perpetually afraid because love, actual love is giving 100% of yourself. And you can’t do that. It’s, it’s impossible. There’s, they even did a calculation that any one person can really only actually be in a deeply loving relationship, like in terms of friends and family. It’s like a dozen people or something. Maximum. Really anything beyond that it’s very, you just can’t handle it. There’s too much information. There’s too much to juggle. And that’s, that’s not what I’m saying is like how you can have 12 sexual partners.

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, no, it’s like, in general, it’s like keeping up with the minute to minute updates on a person’s like their state. And like they’re happy, they’re going through a tough time. And there’s a limited number of people that you can actually do that. And you can have generalized updates on a broader level than that. Or like, like, I graduated, or, you know, they’re, they’re doing really well right now. Yeah, like, just like, yeah, I would say really, really intimate. 12 sounds about, right? Just like you can. Any moment you can know, like, exactly how they’re doing.

Andrew Love: Yeah. Yeah. And so, that’s like, but that’s like, you know, friends and family. That doesn’t involve having children with them and all that. Like polygamy and all that. That’s, that’s kind of a logistical nightmare. And, and if you really ask, you know, any one of these wives. Every view, you want your spouse to, like, look at you as though you’re the only person in the world and to say, “You’re the most important person to me.” Everybody wants that. Deep down inside. You don’t want someone to be like, you are one of a dozen people that I really love is like, “Okay, great.” You want at least one person in your life was like you are my entire world. You are like, there’s a reason why there are so many cheesy romantic novels and movies and all that, that say the same stuff because somewhere deep down inside, we just want somebody to say, “Hey, you’re my queen, or you’re my king. You’re everything to me.” And it feels tremendous when somebody lets you be there for everything but there it’s risky because that means, you know, that they’re relying on you for stuff. That they need you for stuff. That when they’re sick, that you’ll be there for them no matter what. That when they’re cranky, that when they get into an accident, whatever the case that you are there for them. Loving them unconditionally.  Like, that’s tough. For one person don’t get polyamory is such a, it’s such a joke. Because it’s like, yeah, if all of them got like Salmonella, you’re gonna take care of all of them on toilets and like, equally give me a break. Give me a break. Oh, like have a, have a child with one person. Like, especially as a man taking care of my wife, while she’s pregnant, during labor, and for the years to follow. It was like, I could have used a staff of 12 but it was just me, right? It was like an all-consuming experience. And so, to imagine being like that with anybody else is, in fact, unfathomable, unfathomable. You know what I mean, because some, you know, it takes a lot to take care of somebody. So, the myth of polyamory is, is really just an excuse to go an inch deep and a mile wide. Rather than a mile deep and an inch wide, right? Where you keep your sphere very small, but you go to the core of the Earth with that one person. That, that’s what our soul wants. Our body will accept 12 people with a very small, you know, connection to each of them, but our soul wants to go to the end of the cosmos was, with one person.

Sammy Uyama: I think a lot of what it comes down to is what we believe is possible for ourselves or what we feel like we deserve. Like, our, our self, sense of self-value. I think a lot of it comes to me, I’m speculating, right? It’s like, I deserve that kind of relationship, right? And I know I don’t deserve that kind of relationship, or no one would actually want to be in that kind of relationship with me or if it’s over, it’s just like, I like the fear of being relied on. Like, I’m not able to be relied on that deeply by someone, right? What if I fall through? What if I don’t have what it takes?

Andrew Love: And to go back to the core issue that we’re discussing, that’s when you, when you’re practicing love with multiple people, your standards get lowered each time. I mean, the best analogy that I’ve ever heard, is that your heart is like a sticky note. And a sticky note you put on the wall once and it’s like really well. You rip it off and stick it back on, it’ll still stick but it’s less stuck, right? It’s less grafted. It’s less, you know, connected and then do it again and again and again and eventually just doesn’t stick. In our hearts are very similar to that, that they’re not designed to be broken. So, it either just wreaks havoc on your emotional life or, like I said, for myself, I just became a very apathetic person. Very judgmental, apathetic. I had to, my heart was always at a, at an arm’s length from every situation and I feel like that looks at the state of our world where you can go on Facebook and see somebody who knows somebody and maybe even knew them for years and say, “You’ve gone to hell because you’re voting for such and such.” And like, “No, you’re going to hell because you like.” Are you guys serious? It’s just a difference of opinion. If you really cared for that person, you would, you wouldn’t be able to sleep considering that person in agony. The only way that we can live like that is when we’re not connected to our hearts. And our society is honestly, really promoting division at this point, rather than connection. And the more partners you have, the more disconnected you are from what you deserve, your potential, all that stuff. And also from other people. And it’s just the natural state because you cannot, you cannot be, you know, your heart can’t get beaten up again and again and again without consequence. And again, if the other alternative is then just to have sex without your heart, then you, that’s a whole nother set of problems. So, it just doesn’t bode well. It’s not a good long-term strategy but you know, people typically don’t hook up with another person and have casual sex or sex of any variety, because of some grand plan that they have. They have it because they’re horny, or because they’re needy, or because they’re whatever, right? They’re trying to fill some, some void in their life and there happens to be somebody that gives them that look. I know several people that were like, so pure for so long. And at some point, they just kind of gave up and the first person that gave them a compliment, you know, they, they hopped in bed with them. And it was like this, in a couple of cases that I know, the person got the two people that I know, they got pregnant. And the kids grew up without that father. And it’s actually in both cases, it was with a married man, right? It was a disaster in both cases, but they were just kind of like, they’ve been doing so well for so long. But there’s nobody to validate them that going this road is worth it. So, they eventually gave up on themselves and this idea of purity and they just ended this person just kind of wore them down with like compliments. And they just got them into the bed. And they felt so good. They felt like this is real love. And then, the person left them. And then, you know that for one person that they have a daughter now that’s like five. And it’s really tragic because this person also now is so afraid to get into a relationship because all they know is pain, right? So, of course, this is one story. These are kind of like cautionary tales. We don’t mean to be like an after school special. If you think about sex, you will get pregnant with Satan’s baby. Anything like that. That’s a crazy town. But we just, the whole idea is like if you have a really strong sense of self, a strong sense of a strong plan, a strong vision for yourself. And if you feel like you deserve that, that actually, you deserve a wonderful life and a wonderful family and all that. Then, please don’t settle for anything less. You know. And if you don’t feel like you deserve an amazing family, a loving spouse, then there’s something wrong with that. We all do. We all deserve it. So it’s just that you’re, you’ve been hanging around the wrong people. You’ve been listening to the wrong stories. You’ve been, been validated by the wrong, by the, by the dark force, not the light Angel.

Sammy Uyama: I don’t know. I think that’s as good as we can do on this topic. Anything else to add?

Andrew Love: Please connect with us. Connect with people. Formulate a vision. Be loud about your vision. Say I want this I deserve this. God gave me a heart so that I can love fully and I don’t want to settle for anything less. I don’t want to settle for dysfunction. For, for something casual. Something noncommittal because I deserve somebody’s full commitment. Somebody’s full attention. Somebody’s full love. And somebody else deserves my full love and my full attention. And I’m willing to work at you know, being the type of person that can give my full love and my full attention and just stop settling. Our culture will always be trying to convince you to settle for less because when you are in that state of settling for less, they can sell you a bunch of crap. They can sell your ideas, commercial goods, whatever. You are very susceptible if you’re needy. You’re useless to them if you’re happy, right? So, our, our media, our social media, our, you know, marketing campaigns are all about convincing you that you’re not enough and that’s horse crap. You are amazing. But the only way to multiply amazingness is to have a vision and support yourself with a bunch of people who also believe in that vision for you and for themselves. And you guys can lift each other up and achieve this idea that we’ve been striving for. So, you got this and that’s what High Noon is about. We will help you. Go to High Noon Connect. Go to our website, highnoon.org. And we’re trying to build an online community that really lifts each other up in that respect.

Sammy Uyama: As a smooth transition as we can get. Go to highnoon.org. Sign up to High Noon Connect. And you know, that’s where Andrew and I hang out. It’s where we share a lot of our reflections and our thoughts about what’s going on in our inner worlds and join a great community of people.

Andrew Love: Yes, yes. God bless America. Vote for love in every situation. Everyday. Always put your ballot in the love box. That sounds scandalous, but you know what I’m saying. And High Noon will always be here for you. Please reach out if you need any help formulating that vision, reaching that standard. That’s what we’re all about. We love you. We’ll talk to you soon.

Sammy Uyama: We’ll see you next time.

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#45 – Masturbation is Necessary | Mythbusters

In this episode, myth-busting is back as Sammy and Andrew have another fallacy to break: Masturbation as a requisite! 

Sex has gone through an negative evolution – or should we say devolution – that led to its misinterpretation. Today, masturbation is viewed as a necessary part of life where one could educate themselves about their sexuality and preparation for sex. 

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