Frequently Asked Questions
We recommend always focusing on building rapport as a priority. Your rapport is your foundation to be able to speak more deeply. If there is no trust, it will be nearly impossible to have a productive conversation about matters of the heart.
Showing interest in somebody looks like asking questions that are relevant to that person and making sure to really to really hear their response. If you would like to know how they are doing with private matters, it’s usually best to start getting to know them more generally and gradually work up to personal topics.
We don’t recommend trying to have just “The Talk” but instead to make deep conversations a priority. It’s much more effective to speak with someone openly and honestly when difficult issues arise when there is a strong foundation.
If you have younger children, we always recommend our sibling organization www.schooloflove.org to help you start and continue the conversation about sexuality with kids from 4-18.
First of all, understand that it takes courage to talk about our imperfections with other people – especially those whose opinions we cherish.
It is also important to understand that although it feels difficult to confess your imperfections to your parents, the rewards far outweigh the fear associated. Opening up access to your shame also gives access to healing and connection. But it’s never easy.
We always recommend that you first understand that your parents are human too.
They may not react the way you expect, but they love you and want you to be happy. The overwhelming majority of testimonies we hear recount that parents are far more understanding than their children expected.
One great way to ask them to talk is to mention that you would like to talk with them about something important and to schedule a time to meet with them. Many people even ask to set a prayer condition for a few days in order to lay the foundation for God to be present at the meeting.
If you are truly petrified of telling your parents, then we recommend practicing on a parental figure or an elder sibling figure. It becomes easier the more you practice.
We are often asked for their masturbation is good or bad, and have come to realize that this is simply the wrong question to ask.
A much better question to ask is ‘what is the purpose of the Sexual Organ?’
Everything from the concave/convex shapes, to the interplay of pheromones that transpire during the act of lovemaking, it becomes clear the more you seek to understand that our sexual organs are designed for connection.
This means the connection of Whole beings is the goals. Sex is the communion not just of two bodies, but of two human entities – their minds, hearts, spirits and then bodies.
Whereas society celebrates worshipping the physical nature of sexually and the chemical rush that accompanies, our view is that our physical bodies are merely transmuting our entire essence through sex. The real joys of sexuality are derived from something far deeper than the physical realm – it unites two people in the highest possible sense.
The constant desire for all humans is that of connection and to masturbate is to merely stimulate your body without giving your heart and soul what it is yearning for. The more we have give and take with fantasy, the more we use sexuality to AVOID our reality and escape our lives rather than connect with God and another real person.
The release of our sexual essence isn’t returned when we sexually isolate ourselves because there is nothing tangible to bond with.
Sexuality is about connection to God through connecting in Mind, Heart, Spirit, and then finally Body.
Masturbation is about escaping reality.
This is a very common justification. It is very true that the porn industry is a massive Giant that consumes more US dollars that the NBA, NFL, and NHL combined.
But it is exploitative. The carriers of porn performers is short and the ramifications are endless.
The vast majority of porn denigrates women by celebrating physical and mental abuse – all of which is hidden from the eyes of the consumer.
It feeds our loneliness and isolation because it causes our brains to feel like we are apart of something special although it’s completely fake.
Many people do foolish things until the brave among us stand up and proclaim that we are better than this.
Dentists used to implement cocaine on patients to numb their mouths.
Smoking used to be recommended by doctors.
Cars didn’t used to include seat belts.
People used to tan with olive oil instead of suntan lotion.
But we evolved our understanding to see the negative impacts of our actions. And in every single case of progress, from Galileo Galilei discovering the solar system didn’t revolve around the earth, to the first doctors to understand that smoking caused health problems, it took a while for society to adapt.
We are in such times presently.
There is new scientific research coming out every day proving the psychological, sociological, and physiological harms of pornography, and yet there are still many who want to justify the porn industry.
So, what do you want out of life? Will porn help to create a healthy marriage for you? Because statistics show very clearly that porn destroys many marriages.
If you are clear about what you want out of love, then it becomes more obvious what will support you in attaining that goal and what will make your life more complicated.