Ep. 22 - Podcast Thumbnail

#22 – Manufactured Attraction

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Ep. 40 - Podcast Thumbnail

In this episode, Andrew and Sammy tackle a much-debated topic not just among couples, but especially among married ones—attraction. But in their discussion, they dig deeper into how most people’s experience of attraction is manufactured by outside influences, especially by porn. They also share their personal experiences of resetting their own sexual attractions. Listen now to know more about how to solve this debacle.

  • What is manufactured attraction? Where do our thoughts come from?
  • Societal attraction and individual attraction
  • The concept of imprinting and how it hurts a relationship
  • Sammy’s experience of cleaning his “sexual palette”
  • The model of repetition as advanced by pro-porn psychologists
  • Simple versus complex sex
  • Conditioning yourself to nurture love for your spouse or partner

 

Episode Transcript:

Andrew Love: Welcome back to Love, Life, and Legacy, a podcast all about helping you navigate these hyper-sexualized times of ours so that you can have a love so divine that it only grows exponentially all the time. And in today’s episode, we’re going to be talking about attraction. Sammy and I are having a conversation today about where does attraction comes from. And this is crazy because something that affects pretty much most areas of our lives – sexuality – is something that we often just completely don’t think about that at all. We assume that we have attractions and that those are set in stone. I’m this person and I like this type of person. But where did those attractions come from? Where, at what point were they planted, or were they always there? We’re going to get into that today and I really hope it helps you figure out what your attractions are, whether you find that they are helpful to you and achieving your goals. And if you want to change them, how to do that. So let’s hop in and get deep into the weeds of what is attraction. Welcome back everybody to Love, Life, and Legacy with Sammy Uyama and Andrew Love. You see how I did that? I didn’t even, I didn’t even let you introduce yourself. I just butt in the words.

Sammy Uyama: It’s fine.

Andrew Love: And today, Sammy is still here. I couldn’t get rid of him. I keep on trying every week to just speak so much that his brain explodes. But I have yet to accomplish my goal. And we, what was the official title, Sammy? What was the official title of this? I’ll explain it.

Sammy Uyama: Today, we got a thinker. This is for us, an interesting topic. We wanted, I think we’ll discover in today’s episode that we needed to follow ups to this because we don’t cover everything and we wanted to talk about manufactured attraction and how different things socially, the way we grew up, how they shaped us sexually and what we’re drawn towards. And so today we’re gonna talk about, specifically about pornography, how porn shapes what we like sexually.

Andrew Love: Yes and today is we’ve, we’ve got a new sponsor. Before the sponsors of our episodes where the word amazing, which definitely sponsored, and things – I realized Sammy uses the word things a lot. So we’ve moved on, right Sammy? And today’s episode is sponsored by the word manufactured. Let that stick in your mind.

Sammy Uyama: Manufactured.

Andrew Love: Yes. And the reason I mean I think about this a lot. Because specifically, where do our thoughts come from? Where do our desires come from? How much is natural? How much is infused and kind of plant in our subconscious and in our conscious mind? And how much of a say do we have? And how much of a say do we want to have in terms of the things that we like and dislike? Because at a very base level, most people just believe that they are what they are. They’re just the byproduct of history and how they think and how they feel is just the result. And that’s what you get. And I think that’s just the biggest load of nonsense. And I’ve come to realize that. And I just, I want people to kind of see, peel back the layers of what drives them even sexually; what, what causes them to be attracted. So I’m excited personally to talk. Are you excited to talk about this?

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, yeah. Because that’s the main issue that you just hit the nail on the head. It’s that people don’t think deeply about what draws me to this and you know, why am I into that. And I’m just taking for granted that it is what it is but they’re, the fact of the matter is that we can have more control and we can shape ourselves to love. And ultimately where we want to go with this is nurturing attraction to one. And that’s ultimately what there’s no need to have a type or a style that we like, but learning how to be so enamored and in love with one individual and everything about that person just lights you up and say you know we’re doing some, we’re working on our hoon dok hae book project. And the hoon dok hae was talking about how a… we’re just so enamored and in love with someone that even when they’re ugly, crooked nosed, they, they, that they’re so self-conscious about. And you think it’s the perfect nose for them and you wouldn’t want it any other way. And if, when someone likes, if the woman feels as she, she’s self-conscious of how short she is. And it wishes she could be taller. But you just love how you just love her height and you actually wish that she could be shorter so you could fit her in your pocket and bring her around with you everywhere. And it’s such a, it’s such like a, I don’t know, like a warm tingly way of dealing with attraction rather, just that yeah, I feel good about it. What about you?

Andrew Love: Yeah, well, I think one, one good kind of framework to think about, and if you want to take a step back first think about what do you like? And then look at do you want to like what you like and then understand that you can change it if you want to, and how to go about doing that is we can get into that. But just understanding first of all what, what do you like, you know, there’s, this is, this is really interesting because culture definitely shapes that. And you and I were talking and like, there’s definitely a period of time when boobs, in terms of, like, men’s attraction to women, boobs add like zero effect on men. They were just this functional piece of flabby meat on a woman, you know formed fat, if you will. No different than, say, love handle, just in a different part of the body. But what was really, what would drive men wild were those ankles. Whoo, those ankles. Look at those ankles. Well, that girl’s got curves on her foot baby! Whoo! That, that place between the foot and the what, shin? Good lord. The midsection, right?

Sammy Uyama: I’m sure when you’re, when you’re really into it, you have your, you’re a lot more eloquent in describing that little piece of skin…

Andrew Love: Well, that probably has, it probably has a name. You know, it’s like the cleavage has a name, the area between the shin in the upper foot probably had like, the scut, or something like that. The scut! Look that scut!

Sammy Uyama: Is that slang that guys would use?

Andrew Love: Yeah, when uh hanging out in the back alleys getting bitten by rats as they used to in the old England, and just with scurvy or whatever they had. And, but the point is like culture really defined what men obsessed about in terms of a woman, right, in terms of objectifying the opposite sex, you know. And for women, I guess it was like, wow, look at that. How tall that guy’s hat is. back then. It was like that dude has a really tall hat. I could probably fit in that hat. That’s a real…

Sammy Uyama: That or I could curl up inside of that man’s belly.

Andrew Love: Yeah, I think I could fit four children in that man’s mustache. Look at that man. He’s a real man. So but, and, but the first element is like, yeah, culture, how much, how much of like, even just basically what we’re attracted to is, is cultural. Because I know a lot of people like oh, I like, I like women or men who have tattoos all over their body. Well, do you think that was, that was the case 50 years ago? Definitely not. Tattoos were for like a gang. It was for, it was for sailors and, like, gang members. Yeah. Or, or tribal people in, in, you know, remote parts of Africa or South America, I believe. But it was not like a form of attraction. But now it’s like this, this whole magazine of women in bikinis who are, who have tattoos all over their bodies. So that’s, that’s one thing to think about is like, how much does culture influence what we think we’re attracted to?

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, there’s because there’s the overall societal attraction and then there’s our individual attraction and how each of those are shaping and we’re not saying Like all our episodes, we’re not pointing the fingers at anything like, Oh, this is good or This is bad. Is this wanting to stick out take a step back and to look at so for you, where did these things come from? And that’s why I wanted to talk about porn because as a connection to cultures influence on our attraction because as far as sexual attraction goes, that definitely is the largest driver and what and shaping people’s attraction in this area.

Andrew Love: Yeah, yeah, it’s imprinting. That, that whole idea of imprinting is so crucial to understand because there are obviously positive imprints, but there’s also a lot of negative imprints. So one such thing is, you know, to b,e to be hurt by somebody who is a certain way. It’s very easy to have this deep subconscious imprinting, like, deep in your heart, where every time you see somebody who acts like this person, you just automatically form an opinion, negative opinion about that person. But in terms of sexuality, you think imprinting is like the first time you’re exposed to sex and all that it entails, that experience. It’s embedded in your feelings about sex. So like for a lot of people, their first exposure to sex is hardcore porn. And it happens when they’re little kids. And they’re confused, and they’re afraid. But they’re also very much attracted and, and drawn to this thing, whatever it is, right? What that, they’re watching and those emotions all become coagulated. And a part of this confusing jumbled experience of I’m turned on, but I’m also afraid. I don’t know what’s going on, but I want more of it. I am angry and I’m going to use that and it’s all like this weird, nasty thing. And it’s like part of this imprinting process, right? That you’re not just coming in free and clear when you start… the ideal would be to have just you start a relationship. You’re married and then you just create sex out of nothing. You build from scratch. But in our modern era, you have to understand what, what has imprinted an impression upon your mind, your heart, your spirit in regards to sexuality. Well, in terms of imprinting, let’s, let’s get personal. I mean, was there anything that you feel really shaped your, your, I guess sexual viewpoint or your attraction growing up that you can remember specifics?

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, absolutely. So, and this also, in reflecting on this, it makes me all the more grateful for the work I did in cleaning my sexual slate, if you will, my palate. Clean out all the junk of my, my history of pornography, masturbation. And so when, because by the time when I got married, is having that slate you’re talking about. That, that blank canvas to create your sexual experience together with another person And I think that has been a saving grace for my wife and I in marriage. Because what my wife is and who I’m really attracted to and I’m totally in love with is very different than what I would have said I was attracted to as a teenager. And so if I had that baggage coming in, I’d imagine it would have made a lot of, it would have been, it would have made things difficult. It just would have been something to have to work through and deal with in a relationship, which is much harder than when you’re single. So when I was in high school, I definitely was really into that talk about tattoos, that oh, like the badass girls kind of thing, like the belly button rings, the nose rings. And, and I was oh yeah, that’s hot. And I mean, I know this, that’s what I thought was attractive and that’s why I want, I was interested in looking for. And I mean looking back, it’s really created for me cringe-worthy. It’s, I find no appeal in any of that whatsoever. But that was, and that was definitely the kind of, a lot of the kind of the point of watching. Especially a lot of the early porn had. I mean that these women had a lot of those elements and that kind of hooked on me, or that imprinted on me just like you’re saying. And that was definitely something that became like a qualifier for me. Like, if it does that, if that’s not in the mix, then I’m not interested.

Andrew Love: Yeah, I mean, when you’re going through this process, think about, like you, you’re forming this opinion. So it goes from a feeling to an opinion. Oh, I am, I like this type of person, right? And so therefore you’re disqualifying other types of people. Oh, I don’t like this type of person because they’re prudish or because they’re whatever, too straight-laced. I like the rebel girl or whatever. And you, it’s, it’s becoming a story that you’re convincing yourself of, right, that you are attracted to this type of person and not this type of person, purely based off of a combination, I guess of probably movies that you watched or music that you’re listening to. And also these, these emotional things that I’m sure factor into it, right? Like, like, seeing strong women, take-charge woman; what does that say? You know, there’s, there’s, there’s something to be said about all those elements.

Sammy Uyama: I wanna, I want to, I want to, this whole… I remember one time in college, there was this conversation I had with one of my really good friends. And it really brought this point home to me. At that moment I remember talking to him and he just said this. He said something about how he just had a weakness for women in red dresses, is just like oh man, that just like, I can’t you know, I can’t get, that just gets me. And I remember thinking that that is really unusual. It’s like that’s there’s nothing unique about red dresses that would have someone you know, get weak in the knees. But somehow that is something he convinced himself. Or not, not to say he convinced himself, but just through conditioning, there’s something that he learned was attractive for him. And sure, it really, and that, and that was just an experience that made me reflect on how these kinds of things really take back, takes the humanity out of people when you, you simplify someone down to their accessories, or parts of them, Yeah, I like, I like this shape of the body. Or I like this, this type of hair. It’s not about what drives them. It’s about the expression of their external form. And it’s, and people get so, people build entire tribes around these, these attractions. It’s like, you know, you gather together and hang out and talk about being into something or whatever it is. But what about yourself, Andrew, what have you… and talking about this, looking at your own experiences growing up, what do you, what did you notice?

Andrew Love: Just a very recent model is repetition, right? So there’s a lot of psychologists who are pro, pro porn. They have their own agenda. And they really, they, they say, you know, video games; when you murder a bunch of people, that has no effect on your psychology. And porn, watching thousands and thousands of images has no effect on your experience of sex, which to me is like the, it’s the most polar opposite to what could be reasonable in terms of a thought process. But one example, a clear example, is like I’m in, I’m still in Bali, at the time of this recording. And everywhere I go here, there are young, young men who have bleached hair, you know, they’re Asian, and they have dark hair naturally, but then they will bleach their hair. And I’ve seen it so many times that I used to bleach my hair when I was younger, right? When I was like 13, 14 kinds of thing. And I’ve actually asked my wife in the past month, honey, can I bleach my hair? I just keep on seeing it as the stupidest thing, it would not be in my mind at all – at all. I wouldn’t be thinking I don’t care about my hair. But all of a sudden I see it in everyone is like, oh, that looks really cool. I was like, honey, can I? I have asked her like three or four times? And the first few times she’s like, yeah, go ahead. And then the third time I asked, she was like, wait, are you asking to bleach your hair? And I have no idea what she thought I was asking before. She’s like, no, that’s the stupidest thing in the world. And I could just see that it went from the seed that was planted, right? And then the repetition just was sowing the seed, sowing the seed until I, until I wanted, I wanted to be a part of it somehow. And that’s, that’s what fashion is, is like, you know. One person has this weird type of pants and they’re a weirdo, but then you see two people, but then you see a really cool person and they’ve bought into it. And then it just becomes a trend and everybody’s wearing skinny jeans all of a sudden or baggy jeans or whatever. It also defined me so much of what I thought I was attracted to, you know, in terms of girls, or young ladies, as I should say. And it was all happening behind the scenes without me really knowing it. And I can, I can clearly remember, yeah, I liked, same. I don’t know what it was about nose rings, but that became like this cool, attractive thing and I don’t know. So I’m sure there are some psychoanalysts that could, that could rip apart our brain and say, oh, it’s because your mother didn’t hug you enough when you were younger or something like that. Right?

Sammy Uyama: This psychologist Italian?

Andrew Love: German. Yeah, come on. They’re always German. Yeah, it’s, it’s, there’s something there. You know, and I guess a lot, so much of it is repetition. But if you think about what porn is, you don’t see one image per year of porn per session. People are watching hundreds, if not thousands of different images of sex and that’s numbing you to what you used to think and feel. And it’s reproducing new thoughts and new feelings were you becoming oriented, acquainted, normalized. Then, these images become what, not only what you think is normal, but where you kind of come to expect, and you kind of hear the science behind this stuff. But it’s hard to relate to unless you really think about wow, I’ve been exposed to the same thing again and again until I want that. And I, and anyway, that, that whole hair bleaching thing just really landed home because I was wondering where, where’s this urge coming from? But I would say the same thing is true of, and you and I were talking about this, and we’re going to go there, people. We’re going to go there. Things like anal sex, which is just such a, it was such a, an abnormal event to take place up till you know, say the 80s especially. And All the readings that I’ve, and conversations with different people who have studied this, you know, a lot will say the same thing before is gross and nasty and dirty and like, definitely not a part of a heterosexual relationship. And there’s a lady actually, that just gave a presentation recently about this phenomena and it’s really, to me the perfect example of repetition, repetition, repetition, you see it enough. Oh, that’s an interesting repetition. That’s kind of gross repetition. Actually, that’s kind of normal repetition. Actually, I kind of want that repetition, repetition. And it goes both for men and women was in, you know, in terms of the desire to have it and again, we’re not saying it’s good or bad. What we’re saying is, where do you even get these desires from in the first place? Well, the second part is, is talking about do you want to, right? So transitioning into, okay, you have these desires. Let’s say you think you like Asian Woman or for a woman you think you like tall, skinny men, whatever, whatever, it doesn’t matter. That’s the what. And then the second question is, well, do you want that, right? And so Sammy, would you like to speak on that point? Like, what are the advantages or disadvantages to having such specific niche desires?

Sammy Uyama: Wow, gosh, I mean, one thing is that we did, we did an episode on this, on simple versus complex sex, and how the more niche you go and the more complex things need to be more intricate, the harder it is to have really fulfilling sex. And that it’s all about your all, it’s all about getting that right move or that right feeling, and that you’re totally out of the moment. And it’s totally not about the experience from the person where it’s, it’s all about this the, the object of it rather than this, I don’t know, this disconnected experience with someone else. Maybe you can speak on that point a little bit more. But another thing is that you’re, especially if you want to, you know, this whole podcast a huge assumption and backbone of everything we do is that having a committed lifelong partnership and sexual relationship with someone is an important qualifier for a satisfying, fulfilling life and a happy life. And so the two different things you can, you could be someone that just bounces around you had the thing you like, and then you find one person fulfills that, and then you find the next person that fulfills that. And you go through life as an individual, solo, and you get to a point where you just start feeling lonely and you’re not as charming as you used to be. And you get older and you’re not as relevant as you feel. And so you get started. I’m desperate even. But, so it’s one option. And the other option is that you are so attached to what it is that you want and that you demand that you’re attracted to, that you, okay, then best case scenario, you find that and then the whole relationship is pending on that other person’s still having that. It has nothing to do with, it has nothing to do with what is it that you can give to the other person, but it’s all centering on okay, this person gives this attraction to me, that’s why I’m going to be in this relationship with them. And as soon as that’s gone, then what, what’s left of your commitment?

Andrew Love: Yeah.

Sammy Uyama: Right. And I know it’s, I know many couples that deal with this issue where you know, you’ve got a guy that really wants to be good husband, wants to be good father, wants to stick it out in the relationship but they struggle so much, not feeling attracted to their spouse, and you know that’s also tough right? It’s like yeah, and he didn’t, they just resigned themselves to feeling okay, I’m, this is just what my marriage is gonna be like.

Andrew Love: Yeah, no, but then guess where, guess where affair has come from, right? Oh, you’re not this thing that, that you used to be, so therefore I’m gonna keep on looking for this thing that I’m obsessed with. It has nothing to do with the humanity of the person, but this needs that I want to be fulfilled. Yeah so, well I think what you’re talking about is, a bit is acting. It really sounds like if you go back to when we’re kids and we saw a really impactful movie; for me, I clearly remember watching the Ninja Turtle movies with my friends at a birthday party and then we went outside to their backyard and played ninja where we all, you know, fight over being Michelangelo and tried to kick each other in the head. And it was a great, great time, right? And the fun there is that in your imagination, you’re becoming the characters that you saw on the screen that were so strong, powerful, cool, exemplified the things that you wanted. Now skip ahead, you know, 20 years or whatever, and what do you think porn is doing? You’re seeing actors on a screen. And then you want to emulate the feeling you got when you watch them, looking at them when they look so empowered, and strong. So they, they are powerful or whatever, whatever you want to be like, you feel like they embody that somehow. And so while you’re acting, you also want the other person that you’re acting with to act as well so that you can fulfill that fantasy that, that it’s really just chasing a fantasy, right? And so to me, that’s, that’s the extent of when somebody, when you want somebody to do Something it’s because there you want them to emulate the way that the actor, actress acted on screen so that you get the same feeling that they were doing. So that, little kids do that, right? Little kids watch movies and say I want to play husband and wife or whatever. But adults do that too with porn. It’s the same. It’s the same reflexes. It’s the same instinct. It’s just at a higher level. The point is, like, do you want these things to be, to be in your life, these kinks? And do they serve you especially over the long run, because like you said, Sammy, people change. And we get older and when we’re not, when we were playing the long game with somebody, they’re going to change their views, their emotions, their bodies definitely are going to change. But generally speaking, people, people evolve. They change. And so if the goal is to act out of fantasy, it’s like you’ll never be able to sustain that over any, any amount of time. But if your goal is instead to adapt to being a better giver, to that person in your relationship, then you will always win. Does that make sense?

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Just changing. And I think the biggest thing that we want to drive home is just not this concept or this theory of it’s, you know, think of it this way. But it’s actually possible and it creates the most exciting kind of relationship where you are focused on being a giver, a go giver, right?

Andrew Love: Yeah.

Sammy Uyama: And real giving, you nurture love and attraction to someone. And that’s, that’s actually a really, an interesting phenomenon.

Andrew Love: And shout out to a couple of instances, specific instances of this being extremely real. One was the interview that you did with Gene Honeycutt. And that’s, that’s one of the podcasts that we have here. And if you haven’t listened to that, I recommend going back. And he, that was, that was entire sexual orientation, that he was attracted to men. But he wanted a family and he worked through all these emotions of a, what it is that I feel, be, do I want these feelings? Are they serving me and my desires of life in general? And then see how do I go about reorienting myself so that my desires are serving my goals, right? So he, like, is living proof of that. The second thing is something we learned at the Set Free summit a few years ago and that is the idea of not being a heterosexual or homosexual, but to be a, like in your case, it would be an Yigyu-sexual and for me to be a Uyanga-sexual. It’s like, just to have really your sexual orientation geared towards one person. And that’s, that’s, that’s possible. I mean, it’s definitely possible. And Uncle David and Aunt Mitsue are living testaments to that large, is that it’s like reserving the right to be sexual with one person only, right?

Sammy Uyama: Yeah, that’s sounds beautiful.

Andrew Love: Well, it’s possible. So I mean that then, that gets into, okay, the first one was, what are you attracted to? So everybody, if you’re listening to this, please really step back and look at what do you think you’re attracted to? What do you feel that you’re attracted to? And then second, do you want to be is it serving you to be attracted to that one?

Sammy Uyama: Yeah. And where, what did attract you and where did that come from? Seeing if you can trace that back somewhere? Yeah, yeah. And then asking, does this, do I want this?

Andrew Love: Yeah. Do I want to keep this or do I want to let this go? And then based on your answers, if you do want to change and then how do you go about doing it? So Sammy, you, we’re talking about a process that you went through in your late teens to kind of reorient yourself. So what did that look like?

Sammy Uyama: I mean, it’s like a just going through a, what do you call it, a cleanse, is that it? Like when you flush out your cyst, a detox, there we go, going through a detox, and flushing out your system. And all these, those baggage of attractive sexual attraction that we have, it’s all, it’s all input. So I mean, the first step is cutting those out. So that’s a huge part of the importance of getting rid of porn before going into a relationship with someone because you’re definitely going to be bringing a lot of concepts from that. Cutting that out, and then giving yourself time to flesh it all out. And I think more than anything, it’s a, it’s having the necessary time for this, you know, this stuff to go through our system. It’s like, neurologically, we make these connections between a certain object and then this feeling of attraction we have. These, these chemical boosts of dopamine, etc. And the more often we do this, then the closer these neurons are that it’s like, the stronger the connection between these things. And so the less often we rely on those neuron reactions, then take a path that doesn’t get used and it gets worn out slowly, slowly, and then the weeds start to go in and then doesn’t pull us the way that it used to. And so there’s those the pulling up, the cleaning out part. And then the building part is just what if you’re in a relationship with someone, just focusing on giving to that person and, and just being elated by them and being excited by them and serving them and love serving, loving them, whatever that looks like. If that’s serving them or saying nice to them, whatever, but just like what can I do to really love, have this one person and make them feel like my king or my queen and invest all your energy in that one thing. And then you become the ultimate goal is of a attracted to one where I become a Yigyu-sexual, you become a Uyanga-sexual. Uncle David, he’s a Mitzi-sexual.

Andrew Love: That’s, that sounds like some cosmic classification. Yeah, well, you know, practically speaking our friend, our mutual friend Layton, I remember him testifying to this very ,this process where he just made a billboard, you know, like a cork board billboard thing, and he just loaded it up with pictures of his wife. And he just obsessively looked at it and, and, and conditioned his brain to feel loving feelings all the time. Like you spend a lot of time looking at it, falling in love with pictures of his wife to orient his brain to just fully love and adore her and obsess about her. And some people might think that that’s weird. Let me ask you what’s weirder: staring up pictures of your wife and falling in love with them or staring at videos of random actors having sex with each other for money? I’ll just venture that it’s probably healthier to have pictures of your wife and… Yeah, much. I’m glad you clarified. I would be, I’d be quite alarmed if someone had filled up an entire billboard with pictures of their wife and just, like, put it on the highway somewhere. Yeah, well, that’d be cute. It’d be a good anniversary present. But for single people, like, if you don’t have that specific person in mind, and that’s even, that’s a really good time to not worry about physical attributes. And trust me porn is conditioning you so much to crave after certain physical attributes, but instead to start thinking and feeling like a sense of connection to certain characteristics, you know, virtues, about people. And the more that you get clear about the type of virtues that you want to embody and that would, you’d like to have in a partner, the more that it’ll become apparent when you meet these kind of people or not. And it’ll be based on something that, like, your character versus your personality character is like long term personality comes and goes, it’s all, it’s all over the place. But it’s like the, the water that, that is much deeper and goes below the surface that’s much dirtier than the waves that flicker on the surface. So practically speaking, yeah. It’s just learning to, to understand how much we’ve been programmed by relentless images from media all over the place and say, well, is that serving me and then what I’d rather fill my mind with, you know. And so if you’re, if you’re a man, and you’re single, it’d be really good to read about a strong woman in history, amazing woman throughout history and what type of virtues did they uphold and learning how to have a healthier relationship to looking at a woman rather than looking to take from them; but rather, how do you celebrate the whole woman instead of just objectifying them for their body parts?

Sammy Uyama: Fantastic.

Andrew Love: I’m not telling you, I’m not telling you to take a Woman’s Lit course by the way. That’s, that’s, that’s its own thing, but…

Sammy Uyama: Change my major.

Andrew Lov: Yeah. Yeah. It’s fundamentally, we will do an entire episode on reprogramming the mind, neuroplasticity, this kind of stuff, because I’m obsessed with it. I know we could get a lot of really good interviews with people who study this a lot. But I’m actually, I was talking to somebody just the other day who’s a professional and that, that’s what she does. She helps people reprogram their subconscious mind, which is super cool. But just all you need to know is that you can do it if you want. But first, you have to get an awareness of where you’re at, and whether that’s something that you want or not, and then start peeling back the layers of which aspects are worth keeping, and which aspects are worth throwing away. Because I myself, you know, I had a totally different life growing up, and I dated and all that. And so what I did was just, you know, I removed myself from everything I thought, you know; stop masturbating, stop doing everything for like three years, just to understand myself and figure out where do my thoughts come from and which ones are good and which ones are not healthy and how do I start choosing thoughts. And when you give yourself that space, you start to reclaim yourself, your mind, your heart, and all that, and just, you need to know that as possible. It absolutely is. But it takes a little bit of work. Sammy did it.

Sammy Uyama: Yeah.

Andrew Love: And now he’s a very confident lady. And I did it. And now I’m very confident man.

Sammy Uyama: So anyway, back to our checklist. So, one was take stock where, what are you trying to? Where did that come from? Step two. Do you want that? Step three, what’s after that?

Andrew Love: No, you, you inserted a step at addendum one, B, which was, are they serving you? Are they good or bad? Right? What do you, what do you like? And then is that, is that helping you or not? And then what would you rather be? And then how do you go about making the changes that you need to make?

Sammy Uyama: Okay, and we’ll go deeper into all these. The main thing we want to convey today is that it’s possible just to bring up the concept, the idea of attraction, where does it come from. And it’s possible to redirect your attraction into a direction that serves you best.

Andrew Love: Yeah. And you have to define what that means to you. I mean, if your best means to be in a relationship that only gets better and better every day that, where every year that you’re with this person, you only are more and more deeply in love with that person. If that’s something that you want, then you have to really look at, you know, the elements of what would support a relationship of such a nature. But maybe you don’t want that. Maybe you want to just go from brothel to brothel? In which case, this might be the wrong podcast for you.

Sammy Uyama: Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. But I just think it’s probably not gonna be the most enjoyable place for you to hang out.

Andrew Love: Yes. So we are going to leave it here for now. We will definitely go to detail on some of these issues, because it’s a really important topic that if you can do, if you can curate your life in the area of sexuality, and feel the way you want to feel, and have a healthy relationship with sexuality to the extent that it only brings you joy, and it only brings you closer to God and to yourself, your true self; we want to provide you with as many details as possible. But we first have to plant the seed to let you know that it is, in fact possible to curate a life. And it’s a process and everybody, it’s the purpose of our life to really create a masterpiece of a life, to curate the life of your dreams as an offering. Say, I was given this many days on earth and this is what I did with it instead of wasting time and energy doing a bunch of stuff that you don’t want to do, that you don’t believe in. So yeah, we’re just planting the seed of possibility today. Do you feel we accomplished that, Sammy? Yeah, I do. The seed has been planted. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, as always, it’s a pleasure to be with you. We hope you have a great week and we will tune in next time. We will use it, we will tune in next time. So that’s good.

Sammy Uyama: Are we not? Is that… okay? All right.

Andrew Love: No, it’s, they will tune in hopefully. Hopefully, they will tune in next time. We are…

Sammy Uyama: Okay.

Andrew Love: We are the tune. They’re tuning into us.

Sammy Uyama: We’ll be here. We will be here for you to tune in to next.

 

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#49 – ‌High Noon 2021 Launch

This makes for a lovely episode: listen to an inspiring and enchanting love story of High Noon Families’ the School of Love project directors, Jario and Leena Vincenz-Gavin. 

Married for 13 years, these two have grown a lot and discovered many things about themselves, their work, and each other. Apart from being the fuel for families to mend their relationships, they also became a role model for couples working in the same environment, believing that learning about each other’s strengths and weaknesses will help create that perfect balance in marriage and relationships. 

Responses

  1. I’m looking forward to part two on this topic. I appreciate these thoughtful journey you go on as you are inviting yourselves and your listeners to live with clear purpose and intentionality.