Contributed by Andrew Love
Playing the long game in all aspects of your life will help you get out of the fight or flight mode of every single decision you make because our impulses are wired to expect immediate gratification at all times.
If you focus on the need to get what you want now, you lose sight of the fact that life is long and there is still time to do and achieve many things!
How often do we trap ourselves in the constant comparison to others who “seem” to be doing better?
We consciously and unconsciously compare our relationships, jobs, and bodies to others who we think have it all, and for what?
We rank ourselves against people who are not in the same situation as we are and seldom do we stop and think, what did they do to get there? Is their “fame” instant or did they work hard for it? Regardless, there is no point to compare and contrast ourselves like mangoes on a vendor’s shelf because every single fruit will find a buyer!
So, how does this pertain to sexuality?
Culturally, we expect dessert first and if we eat our way through the broccoli, we may or may not be hungry to actually have dessert. With sex, the hookup culture is so prevalent that committing to a single person is far scarier than giving away your body to a complete stranger. Absurd, isn’t it?—that it’s the complete inverse of what a healthy culture would look like!
Commitment should always come before everything because it ultimately unlocks all the magic that is connected to sexuality, yet what we constantly get is the immediacy of gratification thrust into our senses every day through media pornography. Since sexualization has become a condom commodification, we are inundated with sexual imagery and we feel that we are missing out on the pleasure, the instant satisfaction we’d get if we had sex, now!
However, what I have observed in my own marriage is that really beautiful things take time. You cannot scream at a flower to blossom and expect results, nor can you expect to be deeply connected to another person right after meeting them. Although immediate connection might arise at any point in a relationship, the deep-seated connection only comes, as wisdom does, through experience.
It took my wife seven years to fully open herself to me, so unless you have facts to back you up, do not promise somebody that you will love them forever. Words are pretty hollow so build yourself a track record that proves you can, you have, and you will stick through the most difficult times in life. Don’t get me wrong, expressing your love is important, but don’t just say you love them to the moon and back because it sounds cute, show them.
In my marriage, although we thought we knew each other, there were many blind spots towards our relationship until we hit the seventh year. Wise elders say that a couple gains a near-perfect understanding of their relationship around their twentieth year of marriage because it should take time to build a healthy relationship, weighing in the countless emotional changes every human goes through in their life. Keep in mind, when your emotions don’t line up with the vision you have for your relationship, you can replace them by having a solid plan on what you would like. But, if you bank your happiness on emotions alone, you will struggle to maintain that relationship.
As there are few couples who demonstrate the love that grows exponentially, many people don’t believe that long term love is possible.
It absolutely is!
The more you see couples who deeply care and love each other, the easier it becomes to believe that real love—true love—exists. Consequently, you will expect it for yourself and eventually set up ideals and habits that support a life with unending love. A mental shift needs to take place in order for you to become a radiant, blessed couple that becomes more potent, powerful, and prosperous as time goes by.
Play the long game.
Invest in your personal life and establish solid plans with your future partner.
Allow yourself to dream, if you are single, about a relationship that only gets better over time.
If you’re already in a relationship, know that you can completely transform your mind, heart, spirit, and body at any point in time. Have a strong enough reason and will to do so.
You can have the love that you want to create.